Skully P and Valkyrie
by Adrasdos Dark
Summary: A story about lies, truths, secrecy, and betrayal. Just kidding, this is in no way affiliated with Twilight. This is Skulduggery Pleasant. Please, R & R! Much appreciated.
1. Only You Could Love Me This Way

Chapter 1. The new version. The song is only you could love me this way by Keith urban. Enjoy...Wow, i'm dull today. Oh! Carry on, carry on.

_Well, I know there's a reason  
And I know there's a rhyme  
We were meant to be together  
And that's why_

Valkyrie Cain was sitting on the beach with her boyfriend, Fletcher. They were sitting, hand-in-hand, and were relaxing for the first time in weeks. They had been tracking Batu, and recently Skulduggery went through the portal at Aranmore Farm. It was hard, missing the ole pile of bones, but at least they still had each other.__

We can roll with the punches  
We can stroll hand in hand  
And when I say it's forever  
You understand

The two were tough. they'll never admit it. Well, yes they would but that's not the point_._ They always fought side by side, protecting each other's arses. A friendship-no- a love has formed between the two over the years. A love so strong, it only could be formed by shared danger.

__

That you're always in my heart  
You're always on my mind  
But when it all becomes too much  
You're never far behind

Valkyrie Cain loved Fletcher. Fletcher Renn loved Valkyrie Cain. They were in each other's thoughts, heart, soul. if one goes, the other follows.__

And there's no one  
That comes close to you  
Could ever take your place  
'Cause only you can love me this way

Fletcher plans to propose today.__

I could have turned a different corner  
I could have gone another place  
Then I'd of never had this feeling  
That I feel today, yeah

They chose each other, and each other only. Why, not even the highest gods knew. They were glad of their choices, though. Some strongly disagreed (cough- Caelan- cough.)__

And you're always in my heart  
Always on my mind  
When it all becomes too much  
You're never far behind

Fletcher stood up, as did Valkyrie. He smiled sweetly, but it formed into a cocky grin. She giggled, and he kissed her. He broke apart, then pulled a box from his pocket.__

And there's no one  
That comes close to you  
Could ever take your place  
'Cause only you can love me this way  
Ooh

Fletcher got down on one knee, and looked up at his crying girlfriend. She was crying tears of joy. Thankfully.__

And you're always in my heart  
You're always on my mind  
And when it all becomes too much  
You're never far behind

_"_Valkyrie Cain, I love, you. More than any else could. Please know that. _  
_And there's no one  
That comes close to you  
Could ever take your place  
'Cause only you can love me this way"_  
_

_Ooh  
Only you can love me this way_

"Yes." Valkyrie whispered.

YAY! please review!

~Adrasdos24


	2. Birthdays, Southerners, and Lectures

Chapter two! YAY! Um, I do not own Skulduggery Pleasant, or anyone else. I'm not a genius like Derek Landy. Please review!

"Tanith..." Ghastly Bespoke whispered. he shook her lightly. "Tanith. Tan-Tan. TANith. TANITH" Tanith sat up from Valkyrie's couch, screaming. She looked around, and gawked in horror.

"YOU. ." She stated. Valkyrie walked in, wearing a flowing black dress, and carrying a cake.

"Happy Birthday!" She cheered. She set the cake in front of her. It was red velvet, with cream cheese icing. It said "Happy Birthday, Tanith!" Skulduggery sliced it, and lit the candles while they chorused a hearty song, Fletcher included. When it was done, Tanith blew out the candles.

They all dug into the cake.

Just as Tanith began to eat, Skulduggery snuck up behind her with a piece of cake, put his arm in front of her face, and squashed cake all over her face. She looked like a sunburned ghost. She shrieked and whipped around, chucking a half-eaten slice of cake into Skulduggery's eye sockets. He yelped, and dug his hand into the bowl of chips. He threw it at her.

And just like that, all broke loose.

3 hours later... and many interesting things...

"Ouch!" Valkyrie yelped, sitting on Kenspeckle's chair. Just a while ago, the food fight turned to the worse. Tanith had gotten angry and began to shove. Ghastly had left half an hour earlier, and it was just Val, Skul, and Tanith. Tanith shoved Valkyrie over a glass table, and she fell on it, shattering it.

Valkyrie spat out a bloody piece of glass, and drew back a fireball. She reeled back her arm, and sent it hurtling towards Tanith. Skulduggery made it dissolve halfway through the air, and separated the two girls by blasting air at them. They both slammed into the wall.

"You girls need to quit it, and stop. ok Friends. how many times do I have to burn it through your thick skulls? Not enough, apparently. Now, go and-" Skulduggery was cut off. The ground in front of him had began rumbling. A familiar southerner had appeared.

"Well, you aint cease to surprise me, Bones. Now I'll just go over here..." Sanguine trailed off.

Skulduggery had his revolver pointed at him, and Tanith and Valkyrie were flanking him. Sanguine raised his hand, and a blast of shadows came out of a ring on his finger, and pushed Tanith and Skulduggery away. Another tendril reached out, and curled around Val's wrist and yanked her to the southerner. She cried out.

"Hey. Howdy do?" Sanguine asked. Val growled, and swung for a punch. Billy-Ray caught her wrist in mid-air, and bent it back, snapping her tendon. Val whimpered as tears sprung into her eyes. Billy-Ray turned her forward, with her arm pressed up to her back. A knife was to her throat.

"Skulduggery, my master had a proposal for you, either you listen to me, or the girl dies. Your own sweet- choice." Sanguine said. Skulduggery's gun wavered, then he dropped it. "Good." Sanguine crooned." Now just listen to me..."

Valkyrie zoned out, concentrating on the ring on his finger. Very so lightly, she moved it millimeter by millimeter off his hand. it took a while, but she eventually sent a blast of air at the knife, and it sent the ring flying. Val turned, and was just in time to see a shard of glass go into her stomach. She screeched, and somehow managed to digit out, before everything went dark.

Five minutes later...

"You could be out of this situation, you know..." Kenspeckle began. I groaned, hearing this beginning before.

YAY! GOOD! Please press 'submit, cuz that'll make my day. Please!

~Adrasdos24


	3. Time Fluxuations

YAY! Third chapter. I DO NOT own Skulduggery Pleasant. Sorry, wish I did.

The door slammed shut. An angry Valkyrie Cain stalked in, and headed into the kitchen. She opened the cabinet door, and fished through the food. She sighed incontendedly, and slammed it. Valkyrie grumbled unhappily, pulled out an energy drink, and sat down, drinking her Vault. Why she has it, she doesn't know.  
Val took a sip, thought a minute, then turned on the radio."Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven came on. Luckily for Valkyrie, it had just begun. She smiled to herself, and began singing to the words extremely loudly.  
The front door creaked open, and Fletcher walked in with a blonde girl following him. He seemed unaware of her.  
"Hey Fletch." I told him. He looked up.  
"Val! Hi." he said.  
"Checke." I said, lifting my head up. He turned around, screamed like a girl, and jumped back.  
The girl behind him had line green eyes and heavy black eyeliner. She was wearing what seemed to be protective skinny jeans, a black teeshirt, a black leather jacket, and knee- high leathers. She stepped forward and stuck out her hand.  
"Adrasdos Dark, the 24th. Um, Valkyrie Cain, isnt it?" she asked. Val took her hand, and shook it.  
"Yeah, now I ask: why are you in my house?" Valkyrie asked.  
"Lost bet. Who could cut down a tree with a pocket knife faster. It was a red wood. I, unfortunately, lost. I got lucky that I wasn't chained to him, instead" she sneered. Val laughed.  
"you have no idea. I was changed to Sanguine, once" Val shuddered. Adrasdos cackled.  
" what? The guy who talks like he's southern. Howdy yall. Ima workin' for Batu. I'm back to get you Cain hahaha." she mimicked Billy-Ray perfectly.  
There was the clicking of a gun sound, and there was a gun pressed to the back of her head. I guess she DID sound like him for a minute.  
"Dont move." Skulduggery threatened. Adrasdos' eyes widened. "Adrasdos, you're under arrest." he said. She turned around.  
"What for?" she asked.  
"Being Billy-Ray Sanguine's daughter. Duh." Skulduggery said. He grabbed her arm."And messing with the space- time continuum. Val is 12, not 15 yet. Sorry. Good bye." and with that, everything went dark.  
3 years later...  
There was screaming in the hall, and a cell door was open. A protesting Valkyrie Cain was shoved into it.  
"Crux! Fletcher will get you for this! I swear take off these damn cuffs, then go die in a hole!" she yelled.  
In the faint light, I saw her huff, and sit on the bag, massaging her ankle. I chuckled, and she gasped, turning towards me.  
"A... Adrasdos?" she asked.  
"In the flesh. Figuratively speakin' o course." I mumbled. She laughed, then went silent." Three years ago... How did you know about Batu? He.. Just did it. How did you know?"  
Adrasdos smiled despite of herself.  
"I read the Skulduggery Pleasant series. Now let's get out of this bloody place."

_Thank you all for reading! I did a little dance when I read my first comment. And if you haven't guessed my first songfic, it was Keith urban: Only you could love me this way. Sorry for spelling mistakes, and please submit a review!

~Adrasdos24


	4. A Tempting offer

YAY! Fourth chapter. I DO NOT own Skulduggery Pleasant. Sorry, again, wish I did. Thanks for the reviews!

China Sorrows was in a pickle. Never before had this happened to her. She usually had people make decisions for her, like Marcie, who always wore a bowtie, so yeah, it was a new thing. She had never experienced it, and for the choice to be so difficult... It was unbearable. Jeez, it's a terrible thing.  
"China Sorrows." the man had said.  
"How may I help you?." she answered.  
"I have a few questions for you."  
"Go ahead."  
"ok, do you like Solomon Wreath?"  
"No."  
"Do you have an affair with him?"  
"Do I look like the type for him?"  
Pause.  
"Do you not look like the type for him."

"No! I just said that! Even a blonde like Tanith low could get that right."  
"Will you spend a night chained to him, locked in a haunted house? You'll get the Diamond of Corinthia, The Echo stone of Michelangelo, a million pounds, a first draft of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, the Tempest, and A Mid Summer Nights Dream, The Golden Dirac, The Lost Sea Scrolls, and the first draft of the Declaration of Independence?" he offered.  
China thought  
And thought.  
"Hell no."_

Ah. I had fun with this one. Sorry for spelling mistakes, and please submit a review! Sorry it's so short.

~Adrasdos24


	5. Lost letters

Fifth chapter. I DO NOT own Skulduggery Pleasant. Thanks for all the nice reviews. (hopefully by the time you read this, I'd have more!)

Dear Master Dusk,  
You must know of my undenying love for you. I will climb any mountain, or swim any sea. Please understand what you mean to me. Take me in your rein, for I will comply. Love me, and do not lie.

Dusk I know that everyone will think that this is weird, but at this point, I don't care. I still love you, and love it the biggest screen from everything in life that there is. Please keep me and thank you for all of the wonderful things that you do to help me.  
~Caelan.

fun. Sorry for spelling mistakes, and please submit a review! Sorry it's sooo short.

~Adrasdos24


	6. Hero

Sixth chapter. I DO NOT own Skulduggery Pleasant. Thanks for all of the reviews, I appreciate it. . (hopefully by the time you read this, I'd have more!)Ps, Lythia Harpen, Mademise Morte, Nerdy Skeleton, XxEternalScenexX, MakingPaperCranes, Druna Malgood, Skullhead Clan, Flaring Rhythm, and everyone else, you have all inspired me! An if by some odd chance, you're reading this, know that you've inspired me!

Fletcher POV  
I teleported into Val's house, after getting an urgent text from her. 'come here NOW.' it had said. So, naturally, I came as quick as I could.  
I set my car keys on her table."Val?" I called. I heard the shower running upstairs.  
"Val?" I called, louder.  
"Help!" I barely heard her say. My brain went into high gear. I teleported to her room, and thundered to the bathroom door."Val? You in?" I asked. I heard a cry of pain in response. I backed up, then knocked the door down.  
Valkyrie was buried underneath ceiling debris, and what looked to be half a piano.  
"Help, dang it. I think my lung's collapsing." she gasped. I rushed over, and managed to shimmie her out of there. Thankfully, she was fully clothed.  
I snapped off the shower, took her hand, and she leaned onto me for support while I took her to see Kenspeckle.  
Finally, I was the hero.

Heehee! fun. Sorry for spelling mistakes, and please submit a review! Sorry it's sooo short.

~Adrasdos24


	7. Relflex Practice

Eighth chapter guys! I accidentally erased my first chapter so I have to re-write it :(.. but thanks for the reviews! Enjoy! (XxEternalScenexX, yes, she did. Idk why, or how, she just did. But not without a fight! YAY for beating up people!)

Ping!  
Valkyrie focused on the target. What a little evil thing. It would fly by so fast, that if you didn't contradict it, it could seriously injure you... or kill you, if a blonde person.  
Ping!  
Fletcher and Valkyrie were both closing in on the same target. It was a race, like. Who ever got to it first, would win. Then, they'd get to start again.  
Ping!  
Fletcher's eyes narrowed. He gritted his teeth, and hit the target. It moved back to Valkyrie, where she sent it back to him. It almost caught him off guard. Who knew that it could fly that fast? Fletcher surely didn't. Then again, did he ever?  
Ping!  
Skulduggery Pleasant ambled into the room, and watched the two. They had, over the years, developed great reflexes. They were spinning and hitting the target, back and forth. It went on for a while, before Fletcher dropped it. Again. Ha. Klutz  
Ping!  
Tanith Low came in, searching for Skulduggery. She related an urgent message, then watched the fight. It was an epic battle between two sides. Whoever lost had dishes for a week. Tanith had never joined, for she'd surely break the target.  
Ping!  
Ghastly walked in. He spied the youngsters in some weird dance. One would spin and hit some unseen target, it was so fast, then the other would hit it back. This was unfamiliar to him.  
"What are you two doing?" he asked.  
"We're a playin' ping a pong in a Scottish accents."Val answered.

"Word."Fletcher finished, while being bombarded with ping pong balls. Ha. Klutz.

Good a Bad? Mas o Menos? Eh. Idk. Sorry for the spelling mistakes! Please review! I also just realized that it is really fun to pick on Fletcher!(sorry Fletcher fans, face the truth)  
~Adrasdos24


	8. The Last Will

My seventh chapter! Woo hoo! this is fun. Thanks for all of the... erm, _constructive _criticism. I actually will fix them ASAP. I have a few notes on the comments page (the little number at the top of the box that has my story) No, but it was good advice. I am sorry, though for all of the confusing stuff. Skulduggery is human, !

Fletcher POV (point of view)

I sat in a small office with a few of Valkyrie's friends. Is it hot in here, or was it just me? It is a Thursday after noon, and it so far, sucked. In fact, that was an understatement. No further details on _that._

Tanith Low had made me, Fletcher Renn, go out shopping and buy black nice clothing for this occasion. It was hard for me to even move, and go. But, Tanith being Tanith, she succeeded in moving my lazy arse. It took me a few days to overcome the depression, but it still laid on my shoulders, weighing me down. _Weighing my heart down._

The man was in front of him was sitting at a wide desk, with his spectacles at the brim of his nose. He eyed all of us, counting all the teary faces.

"Are we all here, can we begin?" He began.

We all nodded slowly. I could feel tears begin to spring into my eyes. My heart felt of lead. I glanced at Tanith, and saw tears running down her cheeks. Ghastly had his arms around her, and even he was fighting to remain composure. Skulduggery was comforting China, both with tears in their eyes. Bliss was sitting alone, looking blank.

I began to fidget as the man at the desk took a deep breath, righted the paper, and began to read. Just then, the door burst open, and in strolled Kenspeckle. He scowled at me, then sat down. He nodded to the man, motioning him to read. The man began.

"_The Will of the Late Valkyrie Renn."_

This wasn't that funny. Or romantical. But they all don't, now do they? Please review, or wait for the next chapter. The works. hope this was better.

~Adrasdos24


	9. Sugar Rush, Much?

Chapter 9! I am SO on a roll. I hope you liked the past few chapters. I've been working harder than usual on them apples. Please review, and thank you!

Adrasdos Dark, Valkyrie Cain, Rane Aire, and Tanith Low all were sitting on Valkyrie's floor, chatting excitedly. They had all just had a couple of Red Bulls, and Vaults. They were scattered around them.

"Ok, so this is Rain?"Tanith asked.

"R-A-N-E, actually. and yes. 'tis. I was transferred here on a mission from America. I usually don't go out of the 'states, but.. Heh, I convinced them." The girl had long, blonde hair, and one grey eye and one dark blue eye. her lips were thin, and she seemed to look stronger than she looked.

"If you ARE wondering, I can see into the future, thank you very much. I met Adrasdos the other day, when she helped my kick some whoop a-"she was cut off by a huge bang. The door was wide open, and in the midst, was Skulduggery Pleasant.

"WHAT is this?" he commanded.

"A slllluuuummmmmbbbeeerrrrrrr party?" Valkyrie asked. The sugar looked about to break through.

"Dear Lord! Run!" Rane screamed. Everyone screamed, and ran as far away as they could from Valkyrie, ducking behind couches, running up the stairs, sticking to the ceilings...

Valkyrie began shaking. A grin began to spread on her face. She giggled madly, then began jumping off the walls. Literally. She began to howl like a banshee, and while she did that, everyone cowered in fear, calling upon Kenspeckle for tranquilizer darts...

Six hours and forty-five tranquilizer darts later...

"Go to the kitchen, dang it! And make me a cheeseburger..." Valkyrie threatened. At that, everyone ran. this was going to be a long day...

Good? I dearly hope so. Please review. For me? thanks!

~Adrasdos


	10. Clothset Monsters

Chapter 1o. good. Double-didegts! I hope you like Rane Aire, and she and Adrasdos are copywrited. So no take-o. or you are sued. Ask me first. I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant, only Derek does. I wish though. Enjoy.

That night, when I stumbled into my apartment, everything was dark. Pitch black, like. Usually, my lights are on. I flipped on the switch, and took off my hat, setting it on my coat rack. I sighed. It was a looonnngg day. First, I was attacked, then I was nearly jailed. I fell off a cliff, but my special powers saved my from extinction. Now we wouldn't want that? Would we?

I heard a crash from the kitchen, and I slowly crept up to it, then burst in. in there, was a tall man that loomed over me. I couldn't see his face, but I could clearly see his glowing red eyes. He growled at me.

"You. You are going to die now. Silently, at that. No trouble. Just silently." the man pulled out a knife and began chasing me though my apartment. I knocked a lamp down, and he tripped over it, cursing my name. He picked up the knife, and proceeded to corner me.

"Silently, and peacefully."He whispered. He took off his hat, and showed fangs and deformed, green face. His eyes sparkled, and his fangs glistened. He growled.

"No! Wait-"

"DIE!"he screamed, and I saw the weapon coming at me.

I awoke, panting. Good. I was safe. Little ole' Sanguine was safe from the closet monsters.

HAHA! Didn't expect that, now did 'ya? please review, and thank you. (chuckles) fun to make bad guys feel so un-superior... Haha. ...

~Adrasdos24


	11. Vampires Suck

Chapter 11, yippee! Thanks for all of the nice comments. They really are uplifting! ok, XxEternalScenexX, sure. will do. Glad you liked it, and The Holiday IS fantastic, no? Can't believe you, of all people, got them. That just sucks.

I conjured a flame, my eyes (sorry, eye _sockets_) watched the vampires encircling Valkyrie and I. There must have been hundreds of them. I could feel Valkyrie trembling behind me in fright. I never knew what to do with her. Girls were confusing. Especially if when they are hurt or scared, they put on a brave face. Dangit.

Two of them lunged at me, and I blocked them. Five or six came up on either side of me , and jumped. I blocked a few, set a few on fire, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I then realized that Valkyrie was deathly silent. I glanced at her, and saw Caelan bent over her, with her neck exposed.

"Valkyrie!" I yelled. But it was too late. Caelan had already done the damage.

The piercing scream that filled the room caused the vampires to run off, it was so high-pitched. Caelan growled, then sauntered off. I fell to Valkyrie's side.

I lit a torch in the room, and took a picture of it, sending it to Fletcher. Why? He can only teleport to places he has seen, not heard. I pressed 'send'.

A few mere seconds later, the annoying child popped up. He saw Valkyrie, and pressed his hand to mine. We teleported to Kenspeckle's'. When he saw her, he growled, and beckoned us into the operating room. Five hours of pure lecturing. Cheers.

Yay. Please review. I'm going to see if I can add a few more chapters today, but i may not be able to. Oh. Well, thanks!

~Adrasdos24


	12. Kryptonite

please enjoy this story. I appreciate nice review from everyone! Thank you. The song is Kryptonite by 3 Doors down... It is in Skulduggery POV.

_I took a walk around the world  
To ease my troubled mind  
I left my body laying somewhere  
In the sands of time  
But I watched the world float  
To the dark side of the moon_

Throughout my life, I had seen many things. Most of them were dark. Especially when I witnessed the murder of my family. And when I went to the Faceless one's realm. Everything was sandy and bright. When Valkyrie re-opened the portal using the Isthmus anchor, I fell through, as human. I sometimes miss my bones, but there's nothing I can do. Out of all my experiences.__

I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah  
I watched the world float  
To the dark side of the moon  
After all I knew it had to be  
Something to do with you  
I really don't mind what happens now and then  
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

Everything that I witnessed was scarring. I now feel Ghastly's pain (no offense.) Everything I saw during that day was dark, devilish, and demonic. I knew it was all Serpine's fault. I sometimes wish a peace treaty could go between us, that consists of you dissipating, and me standing on your pathetic ashes.__

If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There a-holding my hand  
I'll keep you by my side  
With my superhuman might  
Kryptonite

Valkyrie would help me. Of course. I am, like, a hero to her. I wonder if I am Superhero standards to her. I can be demonic sometimes, zone out, go weird, you know... but like every hero, I had a weakness... Valkyrie Cain.__

You called me strong, you called me weak,  
But still your secrets I will keep  
You took for granted all the times  
I never let you down

Oh all of the names she would call me when I told her that I needed her help. It would be as long as a mile, the list of it would be. But nothing she would say would cut me down. I'd never betray her. After all, we were partners.

_You stumbled in and bumped your head,  
If not for me then you'd be dead  
I picked you up and put you back  
On solid ground_

After we began to kick the butt of Nefarious Serpine, he was standing on top of a mountain, with Valkyrie's throat was in their hands. I kicked him, then he dropped her thirty feet to the ground. I caught her at the last moment, then set her down. She was recovering, and appeared to be well in a few moments. Great.__

If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well,  
Will you be there a-holding my hand  
I'll keep you by my side  
With my superhuman might  
Kryptonite

I then turned to the evil man, with my eye twitching. I must say, my performance wasvery impressive. I was throwing fire, air, going crazy in fury. NO ONE touches my partner. In crime, I mean. She'll be well enough soon to fight again.__

If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well, will you be there  
Holding my hand  
I'll keep you by my side  
With my superhuman might  
Kryptonite  
Yeah!

Only she could understand the pain that I see when a dear friend of mine is in peril. ONLY her. After witnessing her parents being murdered the other day.  
_  
If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well,  
Will you be there a-holding my hand  
I'll keep you by my side  
With my superhuman might  
Kryptonite  
Yeah!_

And it is hard to make a girl like her cry.

Her kryptonite is the same as mine.


	13. A Death Arrangement

New chapter ! 13! Sorry for all of the past spelling mistakes, and the future ones. Please enjoy, and review. FYI: sad chapter. not for the fainthearted.

Valkyrie Cain was walking around the Haggard graveyard, wearing all black. She was searching for a specific set of graves. She searched around for about twenty minutes, before she came upon her destination. She had a bouquet of roses in her arms. The snow was settling on the ground like a blanket.

She stepped up to the first grave, and read it.

_Fletcher Renn._ It said. Valkyrie pulled out a sheet of paper that had information on it.

Client: Fletcher Renn

Age:42

Died of: necromancy. struck to head.

Valkyrie placed a flower on his grave.

She stepped to the next grave._ Ghastly Bespoke._

Client: Ghastly Bespoke

Age: 521

Died of: suffocating. unknown source.

Valkyrie put a flower upon his grave.

The next grave._ Tanith Low._

Client: Tanith Low

Age: 134

Died of: black shards to the heart

Valkyrie placed a rose on her deathbed

next. _China Sorrows_

Client: China Sorrows.

Age: 545

Died of: broken bones with black shards in the bones

A flower for you.

The Last._ Skulduggery Pleasant._

Client: Skulduggery Pleasant

Age: 538

Died of: being pushed out a window by a unknown source. blood was on the walls that wrote: "What about imagination?"

A flower with a ring on the stem.

_Yes. I do._ Valkyrie thought as she pulled the trigger.


	14. Hate Crimes

YAY! Chapter 14! please review and enjoy. Remus Crux's POV. haha!

Crux POV

I hate him. How dare he defy me. I wish that I could grind his skull to dust. The girl that follows him around, hate her, too. They both deserve to be jailed. forever. I think that they need to stop stealing my job. Given, they are talented, but that is no excuse for me!

I wonder if they ever wondered that anyone has wondered why they still continue their jobs. They don't have any. They probably think that they are so high and mighty with all of their money, and flashy cars. I'd like to see their car in the junkyard.

You know what? Today, that car is going into the 'yard. See how those egotistical freaks like that. Ha. I can see the chasing me now, me running for dear life, and laughing manically. The Pleasant man crying over his prize, Cain would be punching me, cutting off my beard...

Wait a minute.

Is this real life?

no, a girl'd NEVER call someone that.

Would they?

Ok. Please review. it wasn't meant to be funny. so don't criticize.


	15. Stupid Fletcher

HAHA! Sorry for no updates in a few days (like.. two) anyway, enjoy this chapter...(drum roll, please..)... 15! YAY! Enjoy, peoples, and thanks for reviews!

Tanith, Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Ghastly, Fletcher, Adrasdos, Rane, Daniel and Libintia Proserpine, a dark adept, hence Libintia, the roman goddess of funerals, and Proserpine, the Roman goddess of the Underworld.

The eight of them were sitting on a new couch that Rane got that was in a circle, save the gap that lets people in. There was a circular table in the middle of them all, and on that was a basket of ideas of things to do.

Libintia stuck in here hand, and shuffled until she found one by chance. She took it out, and opened it. As she read it, her face fell into despair and her eyes were twisted, and they swirled white, black, and silver. Her black lips drooped into a frown.

"Well, what is it? Read it on. Go, go." Tanith ushered, practically bouncing on her seat, trying to look over Labintia's shoulder. Adrasdos was sitting next to her, looking slightly annoyed at Tanith's excitement. Eventually shadows slammed downward on her shoulders, holding her down. Tanith kept bouncing, and the shadows shimmered, and disappeared.

"Spit it out, Libintia. Tanith's gonna combust any minute now." Rane desperately suggested.

"WHAT a pity that would be." Adrasdos growled from the back of the couch, as she passed, to go get a soda.

"Its... Its... American Idol." she said, shuddering.

"WHO PUT THAT IN THERE?" Valkyrie boomed, springing up, glaring at everyone around her. No one answered, out of pure fear, I don't know.

After a few minutes silence, Libintia spoke up.

"Fletcher did."

Everyone looked at the cowering teleporter, their eyes twitching.

"What. The. Bloody. Hell." He enunciated. "Why believe her? What can she do?" he asked.

"Well, for starters, read minds, change the color of my eyes and hair, become an octopus, heal myself, photographic memory, run reeeaaaalllllyyyy fast, hear sounds up to a mile away, and I'm a vampire." Libintia spoke. Fletcher looked at her in shock.

"Really?"

"God no, that would be far too silly." She mumbled. Valkyrie and Skulduggery shared a skeptical glance, then burst out laughing.

"Anyway, Fletcher, you suck. Now let's get this dang thing over with." Rane scolded. Adrasdos returned with a coke, and sat.

"Who wants to do a duet with the _Moi_?"Adrasdos put out. For a minute, no one moved. Slowly, Daniel stood, and took her hand. She smiled, and they walked off to consult their song. But of course, they were thought to be kissing.

When they finally came back, they looked ready to sing. They sang "need you know" by Lady Antebellum. When they finished, everyone clapped respectively, they really were amazing, everyone thought . They turned back to the hat.

Valkyrie pulled another card out.

"What the... bury Skulduggery in the yard with the biggest dog ever seen? Skulduggery!" she called after the closing door.

Thanks! Adrasdos, Rane, and Libintia are my characters! please review...


	16. Short livedegos and other funny stuff

Chapter 16! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but yano, that's just life. Sorry for all the spelling mistakes. I also realized that most of you writers are Irish or British. Which sucks, because the 4th and 5th books haven't been released in America. Yet. Though, I AM 90%. So. Ok, here.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OR BOOK. THOSE ARE DEREK'S.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie were sitting on couches in Gordon's house. Valkyrie was reading a dictionary, and Skulduggery was meditating. There was suddenly a knock on the door, and Valkyrie looked up, and got off the couch.

She looked out the window, so see Dusk. She threw the book at Skulduggery, to wake him up. The corner of the book glanced off his skull, and flew across the room. he suddenly looked up.

"Tell me, dear Valkyrie, was that _really _necessary?" he scolded.

"Yes, it was bloody necessary. We got a damn vampire on our front porch. Get up." She snapped. he scrambled to his feet, and pulled out his revolver. As they were walking to the door, Skulduggery made small conversation.

"So, what were you reading earlier?" he asked.

"how'd you know" Val questioned.

"Well, you're never that quiet. So, it was the only way I could meditate. The silence."

he ducked as Valkyrie swung a punch at him. he opened the door, to see Dusk leaning against the doorframe. He was carrying a parcel.

"I was told to give this to you." he said, extending the package.

"Why." was all Valkyrie said. Not a question, nor an answer. Dusk shrugged.

"We have all day..." Dusk trailed off. Val's arm snapped out, and snatched the package from Dusk's grip. Dusk nodded, and looked as if he wanted to rip Valkyrie into little pieces, but reluctantly turned down the path, and walked off.

Once he was gone, Skulduggery spoke.

"What a peculiar meeting."

"Where'd you get _that?"_ Valkyrie sarcastically mused.

"My fantastic mind."

"You're hypothetical one, right?"

"Hush now child." Val smirked, as she sat back on the couch, with the parcel in her lap. She stared at its tan- brown paper.

"Go on then." Skulduggery ushered. Val stared at it a second longer, then tore the brown paper. Inside, were 6 books stacked on each other.

She rummaged through them, while Skulduggery sat, anticipating, across the room.

"Well?"

"Um, well, it says _The Skulduggery Pleasant series: The Scepter of the Ancients_

_The Skulduggery Pleasant series: Playing with Fire,_

_The Skulduggery Pleasant series: The Faceless Ones,_

_The Skulduggery Pleasant series: Dark Days,_

_The Skulduggery Pleasant series: Mortal Coil,_

_How to speak Chinese, written in Chinese."_

"That's lovely, that is." Valkyrie finally said.

"Tis. sounds like all of our adventures. NAMED AFTER MOI." Skulduggery boasted.

"That is all too true. Though, if this is published, then there is two problems, one, someone has been following us around, and two, magic has just been told to the world."

Skulduggery paused.

"Who was it written by?"

"Derek Landy." Valkyrie replied.

"Read it, then, and see if it a problem." he said. Valkyrie sighed, and picked up The Scepter of the Ancients.

"Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone- not least himself..."

A Couple of hours later...

"Alright, well it's settled, this needs to be stopped. First, let's see the website!" Skulduggery chorused. Valkyrie rolled her eyes, and headed to the computer and typed in Skulduggery . it came up, and they clicked on it.

"Let's see the U.S. then U.K. just to see." Valkyrie clicked on the U.S., and clicked on the video. they watched the first few seconds, then Valkyrie burst out laughing. She actually fell out of her chair.

"What the hell am I doing? Some odd hip-swaying thing! That's not even attractive!" Skulduggery shouted, running to the door.

Val sent a text to Fletcher, Tanith, and Ghastly telling them to come. A few seconds later, they all popped in there, and Val re-played it.

Fletcher guffawed, Tanith was crying in laughter, and Ghastly was chuckling, while the 'great' Skulduggery Pleasant leaned against the doorframe, with a look of shock across his face, if that was even possible.

"LET'S WATCH THE INTERVIEW!" Tanith volunteered. And they did.

"Really, Skulduggery. it was THAT embarrassing? I love your hats!" Valkyrie scolded.

"That is someone else, probably mimicking me. Pah!" and he stalked out of the room.

"Now let's see the U.K and New Zealand!"Ghastly shouted. There was a chorus of replies.

A while later...

"Oi!"Valkyrie shouted, standing up. She had been laughing so hard, she fell back on the wall, and bumped her head.

"I'd be lovely if they had a Facebook page..." She began.

Hope you enjoyed it! here are the addresses...

./?locale=ANZ

.

./?locale=ANZ

I don't' own them! ha-ha it was funny!

~Adrasdos Dark, the 24th.


	17. Eternally Dark encounters

Chapter 17, people! Please enjoy my _fantastic _drabbles. huh? huh? Anyways, eternal scene, could you please continue the Holiday!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT SERIES

A girl with glowing lime green eyes stood on a vacant beach in Dublin, Ireland. The wind was blowing sand at her, but she didn't give two sh*ts.  
The wind caused her leather jacket to flop in the wind. Her eyes sparkled against the pale moonlight that cast a reflection on the water. Her high boots somewhat protected her from soaking her jeans. As sarcastic thoughts swam amongst her fascinating mind, a vampire was approaching.  
"Ahem." a familiar female voice coughed. The blonde who I was so lyrically explaining earlier, spun on her heel, and towered over a vampire, a couple of inches smaller than she.  
"Seriously?" the blond asked the brunette, who was gazing at her.  
"yes, Adrasdos. Hi." the brunette answered.  
"Hello. Now, why?" the blonde snapped  
" Why now, why when, why how, why were, why anybody? As promised, I'm here. How was you're ah, visit to your ah, Friend?" the brunette asked.  
"Eternal, is that relevant? I'm still a detective, ya know." Adrasdos hinted.  
"It's a given. Sure, what else is new, buddy?" Eternal happily asked.  
"Well, I just learned that I am classified as 'buddy', and... I don't like that." Adrasdos sighed.  
Eternal slapped her forehead in exasperation.  
"OK, clearly you are derivative today. C'ya later." she said, turning around. Eternal began to make clouds in the sky in shapes.  
(To Eternal: is that OK? Ok resume.)  
Adrasdos scanned the action, then began writing threats at Eternal with clouds.  
"Nah nah na na na." Eternal taunted.  
"Try me." Adrasdos challenged. Eternal grinned, then shot off with lightning speed. Adrasdos was at an equal speed, after scanning, though a couple feet back.  
Eternal cut onto a regular road, then ran up the tallest skyscraper in Dublin. Due to her alarming rate of scanning, Adrasdos used a bunch of energy. She couldnt follow as fast. When she neared the top, she jumped, and caught the edge of the building. She then hauled herself up.  
"Eternal Scene, I hereby arrest you for murder, attempted murder, homicide, genocide, loitering, theft, larceny, vandalism, credit card fraud, identity theft, robbery, shoplifting, littering, and Disturbing the peace."  
Eternal snorted.  
"two words: As. If."  
And with that, the chase truly begun.

Cheers

Thanks! Sorry for eh spelling mistakes! Please review!

~Adrasdos24


	18. AWKWARDNESSNESSNESS

Chapter 18. Cheers. ANY way, please enjoy this story, I don't own SP, and please review. OH! Sorry for the spelling mistakes, too.

The gang were sitting on Gordon's couch, small talking. Every once and a while, someone would shout out a random thing, because of the red wine that they were drinking. Everything was calm, until another burst went through the room.

"FLETCHER ATE SOME CRAP OUTSIDETODAY!" Skulduggery yelled, making us all jump. We all stared at Fletcher. We directed the awkwardness to Fletcher, and eventually, the weight of the awkwardness settled on all of us. We began shuffling, and fidgeting in our seats.

"Why the hell did you say that, Skulduggery?" Tanith suddenly asked.

"Valkyrie dared me!" he contradicted

"Did NOT!" she yelled.

"Did too!"

"Bull crap."

"If your words."

"Is your life!"

"Is your dreams!"

"Is your family!" she screamed, angry.

"Well, I see how it is." Skulduggery amended. He stood up, and straightened his jacket. He huffed, and walked out the door. Valkyrie suddenly felt terrible.

"Nice going, Val." Ghastly said.

"Yeah." Tanith and Fletcher said at the same time. With that, they left the room, leaving Valkyrie more awkward than ever...

OK. What's in my future? Awkward situations. Valkyrie was going to Skulduggery's house.

Thanks! Please review!


	19. Adrasdos's apologies

Chapter 19, everybody! Woo hoo! I realized that ghastly hasn't come up in a while, so, here ya go! Oh yes, you might not understand this one if you haven't read The Chronicles of Cain 3: A Christmas Special. I suggest that you do. Oh yeah, if I just foiled your plans, Scene, then muahahaha! You're going to go to jail…

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the SP series. Wish I did, though.

Tanith Low and Ghastly were sitting at a roller skating rink in Long Island, New York. Snow was falling in little flakes, and ice skaters swirled before them.

"Poor Valkyrie. We should go back to comfort her." Tanith sighed after she witnessed the scene before her. Ghastly looked at her.

"As much as I agree, we haven't a teleporter here, so…" he trailed off.

"Too true, too true." Tanith mumbled. Her head snapped up suddenly. "Adrasdos Dark!" she yelled, waving her hands above her head. Just as the girl was climbing into a Bugatti Veyron. She looked up, and headed over with a smile on her face.

"Tanith!" She exclaimed, rushing over to Tanith, and enveloping her in a hug. She let go, and shook hands with Ghastly, out of politeness.

"Adrasdos Dark, the 24th. I assume that you are the famous tailor that lives all the way up in Ireland?" she asked.

"You assume correctly. I'm not sure about famous, though." He answered.

Adrasdos snorted. "Hell, you should see all of the talk that people have on Britain over you Irish folk. Actually, don't. It's quite scary." Tanith laughed.

"So, Tanith, I heard that you fought some Faceless ones, a few months back, true or false?"

"True." Adrasdos gaped.

"Yeah, but the reason I called you over, was that you should look at the Irish mess you got into. Hurting Valkyrie's feelings? Not smart. At all." Adrasdos's eyes drooped.

"I… I didn't mean to. I didn't even know that they were a couple. Fletcher should've told me. I could've left sooner. Now, I have a homicidal murderer on one hand" she held up her handcuffed arm, "And on the other," she held up her other hand "Irish mess. Why, oh highest God, to thou torture me so?" her eyes were to the sky.

Adrasdos was suddenly knocked to the ground, by an icicle that hit her head. She jumped straight up, and took out her gun, to see Caelan.

"Damn it, not you again." She growled, baring her teeth. Caelan smiled, and threw a snowball. Adrasdos hissed.

"You are so _daft._ Don't you see how to get Valkyrie's trust back, and the couple to talk to each other?" he threw another ice ball, which Adrasdos easily dodged. Caelan kept on bombarding her until Tanith understood.

Tanith stepped up to Caelan, and yelled, "Stop it!" Caelan grinned.

"See, the pretty blonde gets it." Ghastly's face darkened. Adrasdos's face suddenly cleared.

"Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh. Duh. Danger. I have to contact Skulduggery, tell him to stand by next time, so that I can step in. Crap! I might be late!" she murmured, as she rushed off to her car.

"Well, as you were saying about the _pretty blonde?"_ Ghastly directed to Caelan. Ghastly stood up, and rolled his muscles. Caelan squeaked, the bounded off. Tanith and Ghastly sat back down.

"Well, my mood is suddenly moraled." Ghastly said. Tanith laughed, as she relaxed and looked at the sky. Her face suddenly was flushed.

"What?" Ghastly asked, looking up. He caught sight of what Tanith was looking at. He suddenly turned her. She looked at him.

"So, uh… err…" Tanith stuttered, but she never finished, because Ghastly kissed her on the lips. She slid her arms around his neck, and sat a bit straighter. Ghastly's arms wound around her waist.

The wonders of mistletoe.

. Ok im a done here. I will update as soon as possibe. Please review, and read XxEternal ScenexX 's stories. The Chronicles of Cain, alright? Also tell everyone about this, if I am to accomplish my goal.

~Adrasdos Dark


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20, 2011

Sorry, it's been so long. I trust you all had a Happy Christmas, and a great new year. Within that time, I read Mortal Coil, and Dark Days. Good books, terrible endings. Sorry, but do any of you have suggestions for anything? I need some inspiration, here. Thanks, and please review to tell me!

Fletcher Renn was talking to Valkyrie Cain on a chat, because her phone broke. She was IMing him while he was in Greece, for there was a report of another teleporter.

Val'sBoy: I miss you, babe.

Fletch'sGal: Call me babe one fore time…

Val'sBoy: Babe.

Fletch'sgal: …

_Genius has logged on_

Val'sBoy: Who the hell are you?

Genius: I am an intelligent life form searching for children with obnoxious haircuts. I devour them, ridding them of the human society.

Fletch'sGal: *giggles* Hello, *giggle* intelligent *bursts out laughing* OOkkk, you are soooo not intelligent. Remember "Our plan consisted of, and I quote 'lets get up close, and see what happens" you failed, lifeform.

Genius: it was a good plan, Valkyrie.

Val's boy: that better not be Caelan. I swer, if you EVER do that again, I swear that I'll…

Fletch'sGal: Fletcher, chill. It's just Skulduggery. Why do you have an IMing thingy, anyway, Skul?

Genius: I'm expanding my intellect, thank you, for the support, Valkyrie. Actually, this is pretty confusing…

Fletch'sGal: The Famous Skeleton Detective… Confused? *theatrical gasp* Armageddon is here!

Genius: Don't remind me of those days…

_TryMe and I'llKillYouHorribly have logged on._

TryMe: Why, hello Val, Fletch… *giggles* intelligent…. As if.

I'llKillYouHorribly: Hello, you Irish mistakes.

Val'sBoy: Feelin' the love….?

Fletch'sGal: Lemme fill you in: Why the HELL do you have a IM account?

I'llKillYouHorribly: Expandin' my knowledge, thank ya' Miss Cain.

Genius: History is repeating itself.

Genius: It's because I'm here.

_I'llKillYouHorribly has logged off. …Really has logged on._

…Really: Bye, Sanguine. C'ya soon. In jail. *mumbles*

Genius: Who are you, and what are you thinking

…Really: …Really? Lots of clever little things. You don't know me. I'd bet Fletcher and Val know. After…. Well… no comment.

Fletch'sGal: ADRASDOS? YOU'RE STILL ALIVE? I THOUGH YOU WENT MISSING BY SANGUINE

…really: I was dead in the forst place. How many times by how many people have to tell you things like that?

Genius: Thank you, Adrasdos. Remember 1856, the Spring Convention.

…really: *bursts out into laughter* Oh LOL.

Genius: LOL indeed.

_TryMe,…Really, and Genius have logged off._

_F_letch'sGal: And then there were two.

Val'sBoy: two VERY beautiful people.

Fletch'sGal: Word. Now that it's just the two of us, I have to say that-

_TheTailor, ZombieKing and Prettiest have logged on._

Fletch'sGal: Hello Ghastly, China, and….. You're a bloody idiot, Scapegrace.

Thetailor: I agree

Prettiest: If that VILE thing is here with me, then I have no other choice.

TheTailor: You're logging out?

Prettiest: no, you'll see. 3..2..1..

**Your connection was lost.**


	21. Valduggery: Part one

Hello, everybody! It's me again. I've decided to be nice, so I'm also going to update this story. Actually, I should be writing my book, but… What the hell? Enjoy, and as always, review are welcome.

This is dedicated to Mademise Morte. Mademise is an awesome writer, and I have read all of her/his stories! Well, almost all of them. I highly suggest you read them.

Part one: The Break

Skulduggery Pleasant loved Valkyrie Cain. Valkyrie Cain loved him back, but she was in a relationship with Caelan. As much as she wanted to end it, she absolutely couldn't. She was afraid of what Caelan might do if she broke up with her. After all, he was a vampire.

This chapter is about how Valkyrie deals with Caelan and Skulduggery.

I was sitting on her couch, next to Caelan, and his arms were around my shoulders, and he was cold. I was all wrapped up in blankets, and it was raining. No surprise there, though. Caelan was in a red tight t-shirt, and jeans. I was wearing a black Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and jeans. They were eating popcorn- well, I was- and watching Saw III.

Everytime Jason would hack up someone, I would jump a little bit. It reminded me too much of real life.

"Hey Caelan?" I mused.

"Valkyrie."

"You love me, right?"

"Of course!" I bit my lip, wanting to say that she didn't love him back, but couldn't. "You love me, right?" Caelan finished. He was looking at me with serious eyes.

I bit her lip harder, and turned my head away. Caelan gingerly took my chin, and turned it back towards him, making me look into his eyes. He also took my hand in the other.

"Valkyrie."

"I… I…" I let out my breath, and shook my head. "No, Caelan. I don't. I used to, but I no longer. I just think that when you saved me from Gemma, I mistook love with gratitude. I also… sort of like someone else now, though." I finished.

Caelan's eyes were hard, and stony. His grip on my hand on my hand was overwhelming, and crushing. I heard him grit his teeth, and he slightly bared his fangs. He let go of my chin, and clenched his fist. I sucked in a breath, with tears welling up in my eyes, as he continued to kill my hand.

"Ow, Caelan, you're crushing my hand. Stop, that hurts." I managed, and suddenly, Caelan wasn't even there. I looked at my hand, and stood up, looking for Caelan.

OK, so he's mad.

I looked around, and shrugged. I walked into the kitchen, and pulled some medical tape for my hand. I wrapped it up, and called Skulduggery. He picked up immediately.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Skulduggery, can you come over?"

"on my way." I heard the Bentley's purr in the background. "is there anything wrong?"

"I'm not sure. I tried to break up with Caelan, I just don't feel the love anymore, you know?"

"Yes."

"Well, her got mad, and sorta crushed my hand. Then, he disappeared. I don't even know where he went."

"He crushed your hand?" Skulduggery inquired angrily. I heard the Bentley's engine rev hard, and I knew that Skulduggery was going faster. "Stay on the phone." He ordered.

"I… I can't. I have to find Caelan and calm him down."

"No. He is an angry vampire. Stay right where you are."

"Skulduggery, he still loves me. He wouldn't kill me. See you soon." And I hung up. And, I didn't even hear Skulduggery's last warning:

"No, Caelan wouldn't kill you. But the vampire might."

I turned around, to see Caelan standing there, a shadow across his face. He was standing tall, and I could almost feel the anger rolling off of him. He had long, yellow fangs, and sharpened claws.

"C- Caelan?" I managed. He took a step closer. I took one back.

"Why are you running, Valkyrie? Who know that I love you too much to hurt you."

"I know."

"But I hate you enough to kill you." My breath got caught in my throat. I took another step back, and my back hit the corner of the counter.

"Sorry?" I asked. Caelan chuckled darkly, bringing his claws up. He put his hands on my shoulders, and dug his nails into them. Tears were streaming down my face, as I managed to raise my hands, and push against Caelan, and it was somehow hard enough to push him away.

"Stay away from me." I warned, grabbing a butcher knife from the drawer next to me.

Caelan grinned, and winked at me. He looked behind his shoulder, and with a wave of his hand, shut the shutters, and locked all the doors, as heard from all around the house.

I took the opportunity to run for it. I dashed next to him, running for the front door. I was just about to reach it, when Caelan grabbed my elbow, and spun me around, and let go. I was sent flying. I screamed, and hit the corridor wall, sweeping down a couple pictures of Gordon.

I heard the Bentley pull into the driveway, tyres spinning. It screeched to a halt, just as I fell to the ground. I think that I chipped my tooth- again- and there was blood trailing down my face. My hand was most likely broken, and my ankle hurt a bit.

Caelan was from across the room, to standing right next to me. I made an attempt to stand back, but a hand shot out, and pushed me back to the ground. Caelan squatted over me, and pinned my hands to the floor.

"You are a trouble maker." He mused calmly. He bent down, and smelled in my hair. "You also smell like… Blood. Yummy."

"You… You sadistic, narcotic, damned vampire!" I spat. Caelan smiled, and his teeth grazed my neck.

There was a crash of a window from the front room. I didn't hear anything after that. I'm just assuming that Skulduggery was in the building, though.

God, I better survive. If I don't then we're all screwed. I didn't even get to tell Skulduggery that I loved him yet.

"Back away, Caelan." A calm voice came from behind me ex-boyfriend's shoulder. There was the click of a gun, and Caelan's growled. He was still looking at me.

"Go, Skulduggery. Just let me do my job."

"And let you _eat _my partner? Are you mad?"

Caelan didn't answer, but just sunk his teeth into my neck. That's when I began to feel lightheaded. I was losing too much blood.

There was a gunshot, and Caelan howled. He swiped across my chest, leaving three long cuts, and jumped out of the window Skulduggery came into.

Skulduggery dropped his gun, and rushed to me. He bent down.

"Valkyrie? Valkyrie, can you hear me?" he inquired. I nodded slightly. He bent down, and picked me up effortlessly. He left his gun lying in the hallway, as he climbed back out the window. He unlocked the Bentley, and sat me in lightly. He then shut the door, and whipped over to his side.

We were suddenly on the highway, merging without turn signals, and speeding towards the Hibernian Cinema. I could only say one thing, before I passed out.

"Skulduggery…" I mumbled.

"Val?"

"i… I love you."

"I love you, too." His words echoed and blurred right as everything turned dark, and I sunk into an oblivion."

Thank you, and please review! DON'T WORRY- there will be a part two. Maybe ever three.

Review if you think that I should make a part two, and if you have any suggestions for a story, or your thoughts –god or bad- on my stories! Thank you.


	22. The Attic

Hey, everyone! How are you? Good? Good, because I don't want my readers to be sad.

Anyway, I was chatting with Sabrina Sparrow (yes, _The_ Sabrina Sparrow, I know, right? Read her stories, or I will tell Derek Landy to shun you. I swear, I will) the other day, and I showed her this wooden skeleton –aptly named Sammy the World's Worst Detective- that I made. She suggested that I make clothing for it, and put on a hat. I, for one put on the only hat that I could find- a mini sombrero.

So, there is the background story to this fanfic. I just put that there, to reassure you all that indeed, I am perfectly sane. So, here we go!

Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant were standing in the attic of Gordon's house. Well, it was Valkyrie's house, but oh well.

Echo- Gordon had asked them very nicely to look through it, for a copy of The Eyetooth, one of Gordon's favorite reads. Of course, Valkyrie had protested, but Skulduggery had said that it _builds character._

So here Valkyrie was, shuffling through piles of useless crap, trying to find a damn book.

"You know, I'm beginning to suspect that Gordon was secretly a Hoarder." Valkyrie called over to Skulduggery, who was on the other side of the large attic, looking through things. "She should go on that television show about people who hoard things."

"You mean Hoarders?" Skulduggery called back.

"Yeah sure."

"Well, I don't know about hoarding things, but he certainly does have unusual things lying around." Skulduggery said, making a point. Valkyrie glanced over the piles of things, to see Skulduggery. He had a ripped stuffed animal of Kermit the Frog.

Valkyrie shook with laughter, as Skulduggery flicked it away. The green animal hit the wooden wall, a nail sticking out of the ring on the string, which was attached to the back of Kermit's back. The pre-recorded voice in the voice box played, as the Kermit raised and lowered on the string.

"It's not easy being green." It said, over and over and over and over and over.

Valkyrie's laugh began to fade in her through, and began to be replaced with annoyance. After shuffling through magazines that Valkyrie was offended by, she spun on her heel, picking up the closest thing on the table that she was looking over.

It was a bottle of Dos Equis.

Valkyrie smiled evilly to herself. She searched the table, until she found what she was looking for. She found a couple sheets of paper, and a lighter. She stuffed the long in of paper into the bottle, then ignited the paper, throwing it at the Kermit.

The Molotov Cocktail exploded, leaving a hole in the wood, burning the hole at the edges.

"WHAT THE HELL." Skulduggery yelled, backing away from the hole, five feet away. Valkyrie exploded in to fits od laughter, as Skulduggery fought to get the fire out. He was stomping on the fire, and using magic to douse it out. He looked like he was dancing like a chicken. He stormed over to Valkyrie, who was still laughing, and gave her a hypothetical stern look.

"You are in so much trouble." He pointed an accusing finger at her. She looked up at him, and his hat.

Or, what was left of his hat. She pointed to the hat, and fell over, laughing. Again. Skulduggery felt around his head for the head, and all he found was some ash, and a piece of cloth.

"God dammit." He cursed, looking for another hat. "Valkyrie, help me find a hat." He pleaded, and then went off.

Valkyrie's sides were hurting for the pain, and she was crying. She opened her eyes, and found the perfect. She giggled, pulling out her phone.

She picked up the hat, and put her phone on ready to take a picture. She saw Skulduggery on the opposite side of the attic, shuffling through a trunk of Shakespearian clothes.

Valkyrie crept down a small pathway through the loads of crap. There were clocks, chairs, fans, artworks, puzzle boxes, and even a tire.

Skulduggery had his back to her, and he was kneeling down, looking through another trunk. Valkyrie stepped forward, and put the electric blue sombrero on Skulduggery's head. There was gold and silver lining and tons of orange and pink sequins.

Skulduggery spun on his heel, just as Valkyrie took to picture. She sent the picture quickly to Tanith, Ghastly, Fletcher, and yes, China.

"Give that to me." Skulduggery hissed, reaching for the phone. Valkyrie moved it out of his grasp.

"Nope." She said. Skulduggery saw that his attempts were a lost cause, so he took straight.

"Well, I think I can sport this for a while, or at least until I go back home." Skulduggery decided.

"Fletcher said that he'd be here at three to pick us up for the Sanctuary meeting."

"Point being?"

"Three o'clock is in five minutes."

Skulduggery fell silent.

I wasn't originally planning to have Molotov cocktails in there, but that happened. This would probably be one of the most random stories ever. I have a feeling that this would also be one of the most poorly written ones that I had ever done. Maybe it's because I am watching the X Factor… Please review! Thank you.


	23. The Last of the Fairies to Fly

**Hello all-**

**Okay, I have BIG. NEWS. I ordered TEOTW and it is currently in the mail, from someone in England… So… Yeah. **

**Anyways, enjoy dears!**

It was a dark, cold December night, and it was completely and deathly silent. The night sky was covered by a tarrow of clouds, and the only light source was an artificial one from the buildings above Dublin city. Everything was still.

Well. _Almost._

The only movement there was, was two figures running from rooftop to rooftop. You could see their heads as they passed the parapet. Then, around every ten to nine seconds, you could see the two leap into the air, hands underneath of them, pushing themselves upward.

One of them was a walking, talking, suave 400-year-old skeleton named Skulduggery Pleasant, who has a tendency to be egotistical, clever, and absolutely debonair at the best of times. And he was carrying a metal cage.

The other was a young, pretty, 19-year old girl who goes by the name Valkyrie Cain, with a tendency herself to turn into the malicious monster who is destined to enslave the world, and wipe out everything in her path.

But not tonight.

Tonight, Valkyrie and Skulduggery were chasing down a fairy.

But no, this wasn't any _ordinary _fairy. No, this was a poisonous fairy. Also, don't let the title 'fairy' confuse you with the Shakespeare kind. These fairies were absolutely lethal. They were about a foot long, with skin as black as night. They had bright red eyes, and rows upon rows of bulky, sharp teeth. On its hands, were pointy claws that bent down, like a sickle. They had wings, too, but they weren't the typical butterfly kind. There was a pair of jagged, leathery wings, which had smaller wings behind it. Behind those small wings were even smaller ones.

All in all, the fairy had six wings.

"We have to be half mad to be chasing after this little bugger." Valkyrie said, jumping over the five foot gap between two buildings.

Skulduggery, who was to her right, answered. "Well, on my argument, I am insane. You, on the other hand… It's questionable." Valkyrie rolled her eyes, and jumped onto another roof, splaying her hands. She felt the space where everything connects, and pushed on the air. She shot upward, and her feet landed on the roof.

She had run about five feet, when she realized that Skulduggery had stopped running, and was behind her somewhere. She turned on her heel, and saw him, standing there, moving in exaggerated slow-motion. "SSSSSlllllloooooowwwww dddddooooowwwwnnnnnnn!" He called after her, being silly.

Valkyrie hung her head in shame, wondering why she was friends with him, and then something behind Skulduggery caught her eye. On the building that she had just crossed over from, there was a small animal clinging to the stones.

No, not an animal.

A fairy.

_The _fairy.

The animal, as if sensing her gaze, swiveled around, teeth bared, and glistening in the light. A piercing screeched came from its mouth, before it jumped off the building, disappearing into the street. Valkyrie cursed and sprinted to the parapet, about to look over.

She had just barely peeked over the edge, when a dark mass flew up, five inches from her face, clawing at the air where Valkyrie was. The fairy screamed, then dove in towards Valkyrie's face. Skulduggery knocked into her, and they both rolled on the ground, coming up to their feet. She looked sharply at her detective partner.

"Are you done playing Neo?" she growled, conjuring a flame into her hand, and surveying the area, looking for the fairy. Skulduggery laughed.

"I thought you didn't want to watch the Matrix?"

Valkyrie scoffed, which was accompanied with a blush. "Well, you kept urging me to watch it. So, I did."

"Where?"

"What?"

"Where did you see it? You don't own the movie, and neither does anyone else that we know, besides myself. And I think I would've known you'd have seen my own movie. So… where did you see it?"

Valkyrie smiled. "I saw it off of the internet."

"First, you get a ticket for speeding. Now illegal movies off of the internet?" Skulduggery sighed, taking his gun out, and loading it. "Oh, Val. What _are _we going to do with you?" The barrel slicked back into the gun.

"Hopefully not what I think you're think about doing."

"Which is?"

Valkyrie gestured to the gun that Skulduggery had just loaded.

"Oh. Oh this? Well, I was going to suggest that we force you to watch eight hours of _Twilight._" Skulduggery said. Then, he nodded. Yes, that is exactly what I think we'll have you do. Then, Skulduggery turned towards Valkyrie, the gun pointed at her back.

"Hold still." He told her. Her eyes bulged, and she jumped, moving out of the way. Adrenaline from her kidneys pumped into her veins as the gun's direction followed her.

"Skulduggery, are you out of your bloody mind? What are you thinking, trying to kill me? Geez, I didn't think that you'd try to do that. I've kept your secret, but now you've decided to kill me for my secret?" Skulduggery tried to intervene, but Valkyrie held up a hand, silencing him. "I mean, you're supposed to be crazy, supposedly, but I didn't believe it. I never could." Valkyrie trilled, moving from side to side, a moving target.

"Perhaps." Skulduggery murmured, then, louder, "Valkyrie, please. Stand still there if a fairy on you back."

"_WHAT?"_ Valkyrie screamed, now dancing around, moving her arms and legs like a deranged puppet crack-head, on a sugar high. "_WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?" _

Valkyrie was suddenly pushed forward, onto her hands and knees. She was a dark shape in her peripheral vision. A gloved hand came out of nowhere, and hauled the dark-haired girl to her feet. Skulduggery pulled her back, as the fairy flew out of the shadows, and into the light that was shining down on the roof.

And in the light, the fairy looked even more ugly than usual. It was the contrast and depth perception. Before, the fairy looked… Sleek. Now, it looked like extra-chunky mashed potatoes.

"Skuuuulduuuugeryyyyyyy Pleassssssant and Vvvvvalkyrieeeeee Cainnnnn." It hissed, an evil grin coming to its face.

"Charmed," Skulduggery said, raising the gun, "and who might I have the pleasure of greeting?"

"Tis I, the Last of the Fairies to Fly in The Great Isle of Ireland." It said. "My name doth be told with the upmost respect possible, mind you."

"…and?" Valkyrie said, waiting for the name.

The fairy puffed out its chest, looking prideful. "My name is the great Lauren."

"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie said, softly, out of the corner of her mouth, "Is our mate Lauren here a woman?"

"Ah, no. Lauren would be male." Skulduggery leaned in closer, bending over, but looking upward at the fairy. After a moment of straining, he came back up. "Definitely male."

Valkyrie gagged.

"You're a fairy funny person, Lauren." Skulduggery said, to the fairy. "In fact, I believe that that your humor is so great, that they give my jokes a run for their money."

"You're crazy." Lauren hissed, raising an eyebrow.

Skulduggery nodded in agreement. "Of course. Someone would have to be mad to even consider the fact that they are even half as witty as I am." Skulduggery paused, then, cheerfully, "I think I'm that person."

Now it was Valkyrie's turn to raise an eyebrow. The great Skeleton Detective, once again, was lapsing into one of his nonsense phases.

Lauren rolled his eyes, then took the chance for an ambush. He zipped forward, and latched onto Skulduggery's skull, screaming maniacally. Skulduggery roared, and grabbed Lauren, and slung him off his face, and onto the ground.

Lauren screamed in fury, and tried to get up off of his back, but found that he couldn't. He squirmed around, but couldn't move. Skulduggery took a few steps forward, and inspected what was going on. After a few minutes, he turned back to Valkyrie.

"He's stuck in a fly trap."

Gently, Skulduggery picked up The Last of the Fairies to Fly on the Great Isle of Ireland, and placed him in his new cage, where from hereon and forevermore, he would live in, screaming nonsense, and empty threats about the Skeleton and his nonsense methods of arresting people.

And the world rejoiced. Huzzah. Huzzah. Huzzah.

**And there you go.**

**Please review!**

**~ America (Adrasdos Dark)**


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